Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize