oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
just found out that she named her cat after me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
