am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
