I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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