yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
