I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
