I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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