let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
