Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
