My liver just broke up with me...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
