Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
