drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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