Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
