I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
