do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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