Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
