I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Never underestimate the power of titties
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
