I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
How external is "for external use only"?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Im part way to drunk.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
