just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
