Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize