Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
