It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
