the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
