I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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