I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
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