You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
