Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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