He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
