The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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