I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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