Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
