she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
