Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
operation harelip BJ is a go
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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