so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
