is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
