i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
