Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
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