Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
