You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
