True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I booty called her while she was in labor.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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