I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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