my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
