he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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