i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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