no, he came in my armpit
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
