Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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