It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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