Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
