i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
