hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
