there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize