that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
