I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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