The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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