I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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