I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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