We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Is it penis luge time yet?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize