the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
