he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
