dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
