I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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