You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
