They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
That accounts for only three of the penises
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
