someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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