I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
