Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
