so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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