You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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