I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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