; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
