He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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