she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize