I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize